Finding God at 3 a.m.

For the last month and a half I have had to work the night shift.  I am glad to say that I only have two weeks left until I will be switching back to working during the day.  Working the night shift has not been easy.  Some people love the night shift and I greatly admire them for it.  I’m not going to lie.  It does have its perks especially when you work in a hospital.  For example the pace is slower most nights versus days.  And because of that you have time to actually talk to the other nurses and staff and develop more of a camaraderie with them than you do on the day shift.  I think night shift nurses work better together because of this.  Aside from the perks of working during the night there have been many tough parts for me. 

Most of the hardship I have had to endure has not actually been while I am working but instead on my days off.  If anyone has ever worked the night shift they understand how hard it is on your body to switch from being awake during the day to being awake at night and vice versa.  In fact on most of my days off I just decide to stay on a night schedule where I’m awake at night and asleep during the day.  The problem with this is that it gets awfully lonely at 3 am when no normal person would actually choose to be awake. 

The beginning of my nights aren’t bad and are definitely the best part of my day (or shall I say night).  I try to take advantage of the sunlight and get outside while there is still some light shining.  Sometimes I’ll go out with some friends for drinks or go salsa dancing until 11 or 12.  The good thing is that instead of the feeling like I’m dragging and trying to keep my eyes open at 11 pm because I’ve been up all day I feel great.  I mean why wouldn’t I?  At this point I’ve only been awake for 6 or so hours.  I’ll usually try to do some laundry, write emails, go grocery shopping, and take care of other things until around 2 or 3 am.  At this point I usually get pretty bored.  I’ll usually watch a movie or try to find some TV show addicting enough to stream the entire first season in just a few nights.  Lately it’s been Friday Night Lights. 

However, after a few weeks of this I started feeling like this was getting harder and harder to do.  The characters of Friday Night Lights and the twitter posts of those people down under in Australia can only keep you company for so long until you start to feel lonely.  But the great thing about loneliness is that it is a great way to connect with God.  This may sound crazy or even masochistic.  Why would anyone want to be lonely?  I’m not saying that you should desire to be lonely for the sake of being lonely but instead I’m saying you should desire to be with God.  In those moments when I get lonely I am that much more aware of how much I need God in my life.  It has not been easy for me to accept this and many times I know I should pray when I feel lonely but instead decide to watch another episode of Friday Night Lights.  But in the end some TV show is not going to fill me up inside or bring me eternal life.  Only God can do that and what better way is there to get to know God than when you need him the most.     

There is a great video online of Bishop Fulton Sheen giving a talk on loneliness.  In his talk he questions our societies claim that loneliness is not natural.  He then talks about one man who experienced as much loneliness as anyone ever has.  This man was Jesus.  His own people turned on him.  They not only turned on him but they crucified him.  How lonely do you think he felt?  It can be comforting to know that God has experienced the feeling of loneliness as much as anyone of us has.

Lately I have been praying that I will want to turn towards God when I feel lonely.  Yes, it’s much easier to occupy myself with some other form of entertainment but when I do turn towards God I always feel much more fulfilled and a deeper sense of peace and that alone is worth striving for.       

It's the little things that matter

Have you ever been told something and you knew it was true but you didn’t want to believe it?  We usually don’t want to believe these things because they change the way we think about the world.  And we don’t usually like to change the way we think about the world.  We hold on to our beliefs with firm conviction until something earth shattering comes along and rocks those beliefs from their foundation. 

Not too long ago I had the privilege of attending a retreat for young adult Catholics (think 20-30 somethings).  It was held in early spring at a ski resort in the scenic mountainous region of Virginia.  The weather was beautiful and the leaves were just starting to blossom.  It was the offseason so we were practically the only ones there.  It was a perfect time and location to connect with God. 

The first morning of the retreat we all had the blessing of listening to a young, newly ordained priest give a talk.  This guy had it all.  He was on fire for God and you could tell he was excited to get out and preach to us.  I can’t exactly remember what the talk was on but I vividly remember the first question that came out of his mouth.  He asked, “What is the biggest tragedy that could happen in your life?”  Everyone just kind of gazed back at him with this puzzling look on their face.  I myself was stumped.  I wasn’t expecting this one.  I remember the first few thoughts that popped into my mind, thoughts such as the loss of a child or of another loved one.  Being abused as a child or the taking of one's own or another one's life were probably some other thoughts that popped into my head.  No one said anything, but instead we all just looked back at him with this dumbfounded look on our faces.  “The biggest tragedy of this life is to not become a saint”, was what he responded. 

I immediately thought, “Is this guy for real?”  I thought about it a little more.  The more I thought about it the more it made sense.  This was blowing my mind.  My whole worldview was just turned upside down.  Now this did not rattle me so as much as to change all of my future actions right there and then.  I did not start engaging in extraordinary saintly activities like befriending my enemies, referring to how St. John Paul II befriended the man who attempted to assassinate him.  I did no hop on a plane to the Middle East and beg the political leaders to end the bloodshed such as St. Francis traveled to Egypt to convince the sultan to end the crusades. 

However, saintly ways of living are not just those that change the world as a whole but they are the small things that impact the people around us: forgiving someone who has wronged you, being patient with your server when they mix up your meal at your favorite restaurant, or maybe sacrificing that extra dollar or two or five or whatever is hard for you to put in the collection bucket at church.  It is these little things that lead to sainthood.  Mother Theresa put it best when she said, “Be faithful in small things because it is in them that your strength lies.”