This is not
something I have blogged about before. I
don’t by any means consider myself an expert in this field. I used to read blog posts about this topic,
specifically Christian blogs but I became so fed up with the advice they were
offering that I figured it was better to just stop reading. I don’t think anyone out there has the
secrets to dating successfully. Of
course I think people can offer wise advice but I don’t think dating is as
simple as following a recipe. And I
think that is because everyone’s experience is different.
I chose to write
this blog after a tough dating experience.
Now at the risk of sounding too much like Taylor Swift I’m not going to
get too personal or start naming names.
And by no means do I have anything bad to say about this person.
We were on our
third date. We had gone out for ice
cream. I admit so far I had a great time
on our first two dates and had come to like this girl more and more since I had
gotten to know her. Now one of the
things that I liked so much about this girl is that she took her faith
seriously. I knew she was Christian but
she was not Catholic like myself.
However, I didn’t see that as an obstacle since we were both
Christian. So after enjoying our ice
cream we took a walk and started talking.
After talking about everything from family to movies to our jobs there
was a short pause, she then turned to me and asked, “So have you always been
Catholic?” “Oh no, here it comes.” I thought.
And then I thought, “Should I sugar coat this and try not to make a big
deal of it so we don’t have to argue about our differences in theology for the
rest of the night? Is she going to ask
me if I worship Mary and statues? Am I
going to have to clear up all the misperceptions of the Catholic faith? And then I thought, “just be honest.” So I told her my story of faith and how I had
been raised Catholic but had drifted away from the church for a while only to
come back into a stronger relationship with God. I only hope I had not come off sounding too righteous or too arrogant.
After I was
finished she talked about her faith and her relationship with God. We discussed some of our differences in
theology and beliefs. In the end she had
told me she didn’t want to date because of our differences in faith. Clearly I was not on the same page. So we had a few differences in theology? I didn’t see that as an obstacle but
apparently she did. “I don’t get it”, I
thought to myself. In my shallow and
selfish thoughts I said to God “Why are you doing this to me?”
Let’s admit it. Rejection sucks. Plain and simple no one likes to be rejected,
especially me. I have always had a hard
time with it but something that has helped me tremendously over the years is my
faith. As I have grown deeper in my
faith I have come to truly believe that God will never reject me. I can more freely be the person I am without
having the complete fear of being rejected because I know that God loves me for
who I am. And isn’t that the point of
dating? To find someone who truly loves
you for the person you are.
There is a deep
need in every human being to be loved.
We all want to find someone who we can love and who will show us that same
love back. I think many young adults
start feeling anxiety when they reach a certain age and have not yet found
someone to spend the rest of their lives with.
I can especially relate to this.
When I start to get overwhelmed with these feelings I try turning
towards God. I know deep down inside
that turning towards God is the only way to fill the emptiness that may be
lingering in the moment. When I go to
confession the priest always says to me at the end of our session, “God has a
plan for you that is bigger than you can imagine.” And as simple and cliché as that sounds there
is so much truth in it. I don’t know
what God’s plan for me is and I don’t know if he even wants me to get
married. But until I figure it out all I
can do is try to live the kind of life that God wants me to live.
So as promised I
have no magical three steps to guarantee successful dating. You’ll have to go to the latest issue of Cosmopolitan
or GQ for that. When your date doesn’t
work out like you had hoped, try praying for that person. That one’s not easy. Trust me!
But most of all try focusing on what’s important. Try to be the person God wants you to be. Pray more, give more, love more and try to be
the best possible version of yourself that you can be.
